You might be surprised to learn that this happened in Mexico

I went to Mexico to find myself, and I immediately had a panic attack and became sad.

I found myself at a place in life where I took a giant leap and quit my job in January 2023 to dedicate full-time to my spiritual business.  My husband and kids didn’t support my decision, but my parents were surprisingly calm about it.  At least at first.

I found myself with little to no income, my body riddled with stress.  Even my massage therapist said she had never seen my body so tense before.  I threw myself into my business, and yet the clients barely trickled in.  I noticed my weight gain and my hot flashes during perimenopause (lucky me)!  I noticed my debt skyrocketing. The life I once had of being thin and making good money seemed to disappear before my eyes.

I realized I had mired myself in judgment.  Even when I traveled to Mexico in March 2023, I couldn’t immediately relax.  I judged myself for traveling all this way without my husband and children.  I judged myself when I was at home in New Hampshire, and also there in the beautiful Mexican Caribbean.

I was shocked to find myself crying and lonely, determined to find my self-love that seemed to disappear or maybe was only a mirage.

A mirage.  That’s how my self-love seemed to be.  Because it has been conditional my whole life, I realized.

I realized that my entire life, I drove myself into anxiety trying to be perfect.  I was happy and loved myself when I was thin, had money, and had less wrinkles.  It’s time to set all of this aside and love myself FULLY, UNCONDITIONALLY, and without hesitation.

What is the root of all this dissatisfaction?

I have often sacrificed my dreams for others, including my family.  Now that I have worked on myself so very much through inner child work and life coaching, I realized I wanted to live in my zone of genius (according to Gayle Hendricks in the book the Big Leap).  I believe I will be successful because I love helping people and yet the KEY is ultra loving myself to ultra love YOU.

I am committed to diving deep to love myself.  I am determined to continually find the spark within myself, the goddess spark.  I know she is in me, and Goddess Isis herself has said she would fly with me to Mexico. 

I am on a quest to choose self-love again each day.  She waits for me, patiently, without judgment, without conditions, ready for me to fully and completely love myself.  And I choose her again each day.  I hope you will choose your self-love, too.